Dear Diaries, you crack me up.

Because I have nothing to do, I failingly try to clean my room and end up creating the world’s biggest mess. The only good thing that has come out of it is that I have finally thrown away some of my useless old clothes and a whole lot of other junk!!

Today, I opened my old diaries. They’re so full of secrets that I had wrapped them with the strongest duct tape in the world. It was a struggle to pull it off. I always duct-taped my diaries when they finished. The tiny locks that come with the diaries can be easily opened with a pin. They are quite useless and very parent/sister/boyfriend/snooper- friendly. I remember my sister and I being obsessively protective about our diaries, she more so than I. I never got around reading whatever she wrote. Not like I didn’t try, but she has always been really good at guarding her secrets. I wonder where she keeps them now. Mine were sitting in my room,- protected and out of reach (I hope). Anyway, so today (all day) I read almost all of my very old diaries. I am sure people who have read any of their old diaries know how it feels. It’s hellishly embarrassing. I actually felt sorry for myself in a funny way. I am not going to tell you these ages’ old, well-guarded and horribly embarrassing secrets, but I would like to share the four constants that ruled my life (and probably still do).

FEELING FAT: I am always hungry, and when I am not hungry I am usually feeling fat. I was the biggest most-hugest girl in class. I hated my fat life and some of the super ‘phat’ girls in my class who always talked about:
-clothes (that never fit me),
-boys (who never noticed me),
-and other cool things that were forbidden for uncool people like me.
Believe me you, I was uncool.
I used to be the side drummer in the school band, the girl who played the side drum in the school march-past (walking) band. The FAT girl who played the side drum on sports day and other idiotic sporty school functions that happened in the school field.
It was really quite horrible. Also, the band was mostly out of tune. You can probably imagine!
I have hundreds and thousands of pages in my diaries that begin with: ‘I am on a diet’ or 'I feel so fat' and are stained with oil marks of cheerios and other soily diet type of foods and fruits.

BOYS, BOYS, AND BOYS: Come on admit it! Life’s no fun without them and if you haven’t ever obsessed about one, there’s something seriously wrong with you (girl!). I am in a way now glad I was fat because if I did get all that attention then, I’d have surely stayed in school for a couple of extra years. I did that later in college. Got some attention and stayed an extra year. Anyway, I must admit I have always obsessed about one boy or the other. Trust me it’s a lot of fun. The diaries had stories of break ups, and make ups, of the 'types' of looks exchanged, and idiotic two-page handwritten cards, dried flowers and fading emotions. Thanks to all of them hotties and the not-so-hotties, life was always, always so full of action.

THE BITCH: Don’t think I need to say much here. In every diary (of a girl at least) there’s always , ALWAYS a bitch. And so did mine. Ever changing but never forgotten. I still quite hate them all for doing all that they did. Slimey, gaming whores…if you know what I mean. ;)

FAMILY, FRIENDS, LOVE – The Good Things in Life:
I have to say I am soooo lucky for having the friends and family I so very much love. I have been fat and frivolous but I have always been loved. All my diary entries or at least most of them have some happy/funny story about my friends or family, besides my usual cribbing; and the ones that are sad, end abruptly because I so had to-had to go call a friend, or talk to mum, or papa, or sis. May be that explains why most of them are embarrassing reads because they are full of bullshit drama that cracks me up now. Most of the stuff that probably goes in real diaries was blabbered away to and taken care of by the wonderful people around me.

Well, that pretty much sums up the diaries I read today. These are old stories but life’s pretty much the same.
I am not THAT fat, I’m quite okay, but I am always hungry and when I am not, I am cribbing about being fat, which is now a habit.
There is this one boy I am obsessive about, thankfully (or at least he makes me feel) he obsesses over me just the same.
Yes, there is (are) a (few) bitch(es) but nothing I can’t take care of (or get over).
And yea’ a whole lot of embarrassing things still keep happening. I am always stuck in some awkwardness. But trust me, it’s all worth it because I still have the most loving and loved people on my side -My family, my friends and my love, the reigning stars of my world. They make this life so very perfect.

I am beginning to hate junk jewelry. I rather wear small dotty earrings. I think I am growing old and snootier.